HOW SAFE ARE YOU? WHO DO YOU TRUST?
We hope we can help you just a little.
My personal story about my son's suicide
Its very hard to know where to start, so first let me tell you a little bit
about my son Stoney .Stoney was very intelligent, at the young age of 18 months old he was reading his story books. My brother thought he just memorized the words so he decided to get a book Stoney did not know. Stoney read every word in that book without any hesitation. My brothers mouth dropped open because he read that book out loud for all to hear. .Stoney loved to take anything electronic apart. We ended up buying several stereos when Stoney was young because at the age of 4 to 5 1/2 years of age he took all of our radios, and large stereos apart , of course he did not put them back in working order. He also learned that mommy and daddy were not going to let him take any more apart. His mind was always busy trying to see what made things tick. He had a warm and very funny sense of humor and a talent for imitating different accents and sounds. He had a singing range that could go very low to very high. He did not like to display any of those talents in front of anyone. His sisters were never privileged to hear him sing. He wrote a symphony on his computer and only let me hear it to my knowledge. I couldn't believe my ears it was so amazing. He was a very private person and just did not like to be in the lime light even with all of his talent.
At the age of 14 1/2 he was diagnosed with a very rare Blood disorder called Anti-Thrombi 111 Deficiency . That is where his blood would clot ,he was the exact opposite of a Hemophiliac. We almost lost him several times due to a pulmonary embolism and other serious clots. He always had a clot somewhere in his body mostly in his legs. He seem to always be in pain, yet through it all he never complained. Never did he ever complain to me about his disorder. He tried to have a so called normal life, he married his best friend at the age of 20, he had a little girl whom he worshiped. His marriage ended in divorce . He was devastated by it ,but both were very young. He was given primary physical joint custody. Everything seem to be fine. He lived for the weeks his daughter was with him. He was so sad when she had to leave to go to her moms, even though it was important to him that she had her mom in her life to.
Than in July of this 2008 his X took him to court and petitioned for primary physical custody of their daughter. At the time Stoney was out of work due to his illness , he was applying for Disability but it had not been decided yet. The judge took the primary away from him because he was not working even though the judge was aware of his blood disorder and that it prevented him from holding a job consistently. Stoney lived with me so his daughter had everything she needed and wanted. He worked for himself for awhile as a computer repairman, a rural postal carrier, and a security guard all at different times. He became very distraught about loosing his daughter and felt he did not have the means to fight for her any more.
His doctor had put him on Oxecodone pain medications. At first the meds appeared to work pretty good, but than he began to not be able to sleep at nights, so he complained about that to his doctor and was prescribed xannex sleeping pills. Stoney eventually became addicted and started abusing these prescribed drugs. Because the medications quit working so he took more and more. This all took place in a very short time frame of about 4 1/2 months. Than Stoney wanted off of these drugs realizing he was very addicted. So he and I went to a medical clinic that said they could help him for $30,000.00 We looked at each other and said now what, because we knew we could not afford that. He was very upset and so was I. We tried looking for another clinic but since we live in a rural community they did not have the facility's to help him. I talked to his doctor and told him what the medications were doing to Stoney but he offered no solutions. He just kept prescribing the pills to him. We tried calling every means we knew of but failed to get him help. Stoney started becoming even more depressed . A doctor friend of mind
later told me that Stoney didn't have much longer to live and Stoney knew it , He did not want to suffer anymore. He told me that Stoney was a good person, don't find fault with his decision he just couldn't take anymore suffering. I thanked him and was really appreciative even though what he told me l already knew, it was uplifting to me to hear possitive things rather than a quick condemnation because of one impulsive act. Stoney was a kind and loving person that was very popular among his peers. He loved his family and especially his beautiful daughter and I didn't want his whole life determined by the way he died. Only God can fix our hurt and I believe strongly that God loves us more than we love ourselves and has arranged for us a hope of everlasting life through his son's Christ Jesus ransom. Why else would God send his only begotten son to earth to be tortured and than killed by the very people Christ came to save. God has never changed his position with regards to his purpose for mankind. Man is the one that has left him. One day soon we will see the wonderful promise become a reality .Than we will be able to see our loved ones again as God has promised John 17:3
The one thing I keep beating myself up about is : What could I have done so that this whole event would never have happened ? I also hope he knew how much I loved him, sometimes we forget to express ourselves to our loved ones . I try to make a point of telling my girls how much I love them often, so if something happens to either one of us at least things are being said now so there is no doubt they know I love them.
Stoney's girlfriend is a paralegal, she had made an appointment at a clinic to help him get off of the pain medications, it wasn't the best but she figured it was better than nothing. The date of the appointment was for September 30, 08. My son took his life on September 26th.
It was just a moment in time he most likely would have changed his mind had he had another moment.
There were signs now that I look back , but it was nothing I recognized.
The first thing I remember was that he stopped playing his video games, I was happy about that not realizing why he was making this change.
Than he started withdrawing from his friends only hanging with a few. He rarely left the house the last month of his life. Different members of my family would ask him to go to dinner or go to visit other family and friends , he would just say not to night, maybe next time. He loved to go to my eldest daughters home because they held a lot of barbecues and pool parties. He even stopped going to those.
The last three weeks he started staying in his room not hardly even coming out to even eat. He ate very little. I would ask him if he was feeling alright and he would just say I'm just not hungry.
I held back when it came to him because I knew he felt bad enough because he couldn't support himself and was still living at home with mom, I knew he didn't feel comfortable because of having to live at home. I tried to let him feel as independent as possible . I wished I would have interfered more than I did, That is the hard part knowing when to interfere and when not to. He started loosing a lot of weight. He was 6' 1 and normally weighed between 220 and 230 lbs. I don't know how much weight he lost but it was significant.
He started giving some of his friends some of his things that he really liked such as his video games , he gave one of his friends his favorite rifle. There were things like his jewelry and things we never found so we assumed he gave it to his friends. As we look back I could see he didn't want to leave anything undone.
He started to become very pale. very little color in his face. He noticed it to but only mentioned it to his girlfriend. (she told me later) He also suffered a seizure the last week of his life. (I found out after the fact the medication caused that) I know my son lost his fight for life. I also feel that the medication was the key in his lack of fight and also the direct cause of depression. Combined with the loss of his daughter whom he loved more than life itself. His lack of a normal life due to his Blood disorder and being in constant pain all added to his demise. I don't agree with his decision , I just understand that all the negatives in his life were more than he could bare. I just wish I knew what he was thinking maybe I could have helped change his decision and helped him fight for his life. I loved him so much, and now he's gone.
If you know anyone that is on the pain medication and sleeping pills please monitor them, if you see any of the signs get them help don't wait for another day, it might be to late. Take matters into your own hands don't wait to get the depressed individuals approval of your wanting to help them, you most likely would not receive it. Get an emergency Power of Attorney if you have to. Fight for them they are worth it/
Make sure their doctor cares enough to monitor their behavior on the medications. Insist that the Doctor do something before its to late. Or Get a Doctor That will show real concern for his patient not just $$$$$$$ signs.
Don't Wait ! Don't put it off ! Get Help
immediately !
Here is a couple of slide shows I found on the web that really helped me deal with my grief. I still go back and watch them regularly.
Everyone grieves differently there is no wrong way to grieve.
Everyone has their own amount of time for grieving.
These slide shows kept me from depression, they gave me hope and
they gave me the comfort of knowing I would see my son again.
Please give the slide show a few minutes to load
http://www.showyflash.com/jw/deathgrief/index.html
http://www.showyflash.com/jw/yourbrother/index.html
I do hope you have been able to learn something from my experience. No one should ever have to go through a death of a child or a loved one for any reason.
Much Thanks to www.showyflash.com
Stoney was always clowning around. We called him the pied piper he loved kids
He was at a party at his sisters house his daughter who is in the dark pink and he is holding
his niece on his lap
Holding his daughter at age 8 months, He was so proud of her
He only had two more visits with his daughter after this picture was taken.
This was taken 6 weeks before he took his life and it was the last day he saw his daughter
He was at a party at his sisters house his daughter who is in the dark pink and he is holding
his niece on his lap
Holding his daughter at age 8 months, He was so proud of her
He only had two more visits with his daughter after this picture was taken.
This was taken 6 weeks before he took his life and it was the last day he saw his daughter
